I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
