I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
