Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
