Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
