i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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