So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
