I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
