my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just gargled with NyQuil
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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