She said her name was "party"
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
