hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
