you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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