Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
