hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
