Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
