dude i'm inner monologue high
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
