i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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