I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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