onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
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