ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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