You work out of a Hotel?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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