Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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