i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
