remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I can't put those talents on a resume
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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