i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
