I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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