Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
