That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
