hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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