I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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