i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
