I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
