Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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