He asked to "fluff my boner.."
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
