Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
