yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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