i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
