new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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