Please don't use social media to get back at me.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
