I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
