She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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