I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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