I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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