would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
