Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Well I just put wine in my tea
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
