"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
