I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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