She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
