Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
