I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
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