so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
