Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
