1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
