sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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