You're so nebulous sometimes
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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