sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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